the butterfly and the moon
by BokchoiBaboy
Summary: NejiTen. It seemed that no matter what she did, the Butterfly could never reach the Moon. How will she defy the gravity between them?
1. ripped

It seems, that no matter what I do, I will always be far behind. No matter how much time I sacrifice for perfection, no matter how hard I work myself, I cannot catch up to him. I cannot fly to my dreams like he has; I cannot embrace my passion like _he _does. No matter what I will do, I will always be the butterfly, and he will be the moon...

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**the butterfly and the moon  
**_the moon is so very far away..._

**chapitre un. **_ripped_

**disclaimer: **don't own Naruto.

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I opened my eyes when my trained ears picked up the tiniest sounds, my head throbbing with pain as I struggled to remember what had happened. All that I _could _remember was pain, and my dull, shameless scream when that pain seared all over my body, through my skin, bringing fire all over my veins. I kept my groans of pain, knowing that the _one _scream that erupted from my skin was shameful enough. When I tried to move, to sit up and figure out where I was, more pain erupted through my body, and instantly I gave up. Warm liquid began to flow all over me, beginning to drip across my skin and drip onto whatever I was rested upon. I was too tired to fight, too tired to bring pride and glory back to my one _name. _

I had shamed myself enough. I had shamed my _team _enough. I had shamed _him _enough, and this was the worst of all.

As I struggled to make _him _proud of me, to make _him _acknowledge my usefulness, here I am, hindering his success, and my team's success. No matter how hard I trained, no matter how strong I became, no matter how powerful my willpower grew. I would always be millions of steps behind them, behind _him. _I cared for them too much to let _my _disadvantages, _my _weakness, hinder them. I can find no other uses to my life, all of my days spent to make myself _worth _something to this cruel, selfish world.

I would always be millions of steps behind. I would _always, always _be the shamed, useless member of Team Gai. I would _always _be Tenten; in all my entity, in all my shame and love and despair, _Tenten _is who I am, and I could never, ever change that.

Who I am is the person who is millions of steps from the people she loves the most. Millions, _billions _of steps from the man that I so desperately love and care for. I can never be enough. I will always be the ambitious butterfly, yearning for the Moon that does not _want _me.

I am too far away.

So very, very, far away.

"Is she going to be alright?"

I heard their whispers. My eyes darted across my surroundings, finally registering that I was in a hospital room; my despair had overtaken my senses, and only now was I able to form my new resolve. I was in a hospital. A _hospital. _

"She was injured – _badly. _I took a look at her muscles, and all of them were washed out. She overworked herself, and I think this is her body's way of making her pay for its mistreatment."

"That's not what I asked for."

There was silence, and I took the time to register the voices. The first voice – the one who had asked if I was going to make it through – was my teammate, Hyuuga Neji. The concern in his voice scared me, made my heart beat faster. Yet I knew that concern was only for _his _good, to serve his family well and to redeem himself. I was just a tool to him, an aid and nothing more. And this knowledge _hurt _me. My eyes began to flutter closed when my heart pounded painfully against my chest, my inner conscious too tired from pain and fatigue to help _me _bear with heartbreak. So, instead, I focused on the second voice, the doctor. I knew without thinking that it was Haruno Sakura; her kind voice made sure of that. I almost felt sorry for her to have to deal with a raging Neji; I knew he would never accept the fact that his _tool _was careless and ruined _his _mission.

"She'll be alright. I've closed all her wounds, but there's no doubt they're going to open; actually, I wouldn't be surprised if they were covered in blood by the time I open this door, since she's probably awake. But..."

Her voice trailed off, my breath hitching.

"But what?" He gruffly asked.

I allowed a painful, tiny smile to cross my lips. Of course. I would always be a tool. _Always. _

"She won't be able to train for a very, _very _long time. I, as her doctor _and _her friend, won't allow her to overwork herself training or go on missions until I'm sure she's completely healed. Don't take this the wrong way, Neji, but – "

I frowned. She wasn't going to give me away, was she?

" – I think you owe her an apology."

"For _what?_"

I could sense the incredulous look on his eyes, his lips pursed into a tight, rigid line, as veins began to pulse from his forehead, the foreboding sign of his succumbing to the Byakugan. There was silence, and I was dearly hoping that Sakura would not give me away. She couldn't; she was my friend, and friends didn't give each other away.

"You've overworked her. I don't understand how you weren't able to tell how stressed and fatigued her body was; even a kunoichi like her needs to rest her body once in a while. _And,_" Her voice started to rise, and I could sense her fragile, delicate hands form a fist, "I'd bet anything in the world she was up in the air, something hit her, and she fell. She wouldn't have been in such a horrible condition had you the courtesy to catch her."

He didn't catch me? All I could remember was preparing to launch another volley of missiles downward, until I felt something pierce right through me – _millions _of sharp things pierce right through me. I remembered screaming, and everything fell black after my scream. My consciousness was gone before my brain could register immense pain.

"You think it's my fault she was overworked?"

I felt his voice falter now. Was it anger, or guilt?

"_Yes. _Have you ever listened to her speak? She's fond of you; she looks up to you. She trains harder than _you _do so _you _can accept her."

"Those feelings are not in my control."

More pain throbbed in my chest.

"No, but they're _yours. _She's your _teammate, Hyuuga, your teammate! _Your family! Your support, your pillar, your _best friend._"

Tears began to form at my eyes. It was rare to hear Sakura's voice crack in such a way, and I knew that she was nearly to the point of tears. Haruno Sakura was always sensitive to others, especially her friends and patients, even with her monstrous temper and inhuman strength. Yet she never let this sensitivity hinder her strength; she was just like me – acting strong to stay strong for the people she cared most for. But then again, the man _she _loved would have caught her, had she been pummeling at high speeds from hundreds of feet in the air; that much I knew.

"No, Haruno. Only my teammate."

I clutched my head in both my hands. It wasn't in my character to cry, but I felt the salty tears brim at my eyes. They were pooling, ready to spill. But I couldn't help it; my heart hurt too much. I knew I was only a tool, and nothing more. Now, I was only hindering his precious time. As twisted as it sounds, I wanted him to reach _his _goals and dreams; that was love, wasn't it? Sacrificing something of yours to see the one _you _love happy and able to live their life the way they wanted to.

My heart seemed to stab around my ribcage, seeking a way out. Maybe it wanted out of this stupid body with stupid feelings for a stupid man. Maybe...

"That would – "

"Sakura."

I was surprised when a third voice came in, and already I could feel the tenseness in the air. It was Uchiha Sasuke, his distinctive, alluring, baritone voice was impossible to mistake. I wondered how Neji's face would look; perhaps his pallid eyes were narrowed, his brow furrowed? It was in Neji's nature to do that, especially around Sasuke. They _were _rivals, after all.

"What, Uchiha?" Neji sneered.

I sort of hated it when he spoke like that. It made him seem more like the bastard than he already was. Always putting things in motion for himself, so he could live his perfect life at the expense of taking from other's lives – like me.

"I wouldn't waste your breath," Sasuke said, completely ignoring Neji's question.

I was surprised. Sasuke's ignorance was sure to have Neji miffed.

"Hn, Hyuuga," Sasuke continued, and I could feel the tenseness rising between them, "Even I would have saved my teammate. No doubt that Lee would have caught her. Scared to get too close?"

There was silence. I could almost feel Sakura's fists clenching and unclenching, and for once I was scared of her inhuman strength. If she lost her temper here, the hospital could collapse. Neji was silent, most likely contemplating his best move, before his harsh voice broke through the atmosphere.

"There's nothing to be scared of. I would never be so stupid to let her become dear to me. She is only a teammate, and I have other things to worry about than populating Konoha."

At this, Sasuke actually scoffed, and I felt Neji's temper flare, even through the thick, hospital walls. Before I could process why I was doing what I was doing, I tightly held my head in my hands – my scalp pleading at me to stop ripping away my hairs – and I closed my eyes. Tears brimmed at my eyes, but this time I let them roll down my cheeks, for once completely shameless about my show of utter weakness. I felt a shuffling from outside, and my door quickly open.

I let out a scream – more like a cry of agony – and fell onto my pillow, my head down as I continued to clutch my head, as if I were going insane.

"Tenten? Tenten?"

Sakura's voice continued to fade through the darkness.

I couldn't take it anymore.

No matter how hard I tried, the Butterfly will never reach the Moon. Never. _Never. _

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"I'm sorry you had to hear all that," Sakura muttered.

I still could not see. I could feel no power, no _strength, _within my body, to even lift my eyelids. Nor did I _want _to awake from this odd place, where I was thrown into the middle of life and slumber. It was surreal, and I knew that nothing could reach me, could _hurt _me here, because I knew he would never speak to me; it would be shameful to him, and my acceptance of that nearly amounted to the same pain as if I continued to hope that there was a kind soul within him.

"I don't know what I should do now, Tenten. I can't _make _you wake up. I'm sorry; that was careless of me. I should have known you would have heard."

I felt a tiny smile play on my lips. Of course Sakura would be guilty over nothing. Though it was true I wish that conversation had never taken place, so reality would remain shoved into the depths of my heart where I would not see it, I was glad that my illusions of hope were now diminished. It would be so pointless to carry on my life, hanging onto that tiny, nearly nonexistent sliver; and now, I knew the days of trying to _reach _him were over. My sliver of hope had vanished like thin air, leaving no traces for me to find, with his dreadful, cold words.

"I'm glad you're somewhat conscious. It's nice to see you smile."

I felt my smile grow wider. It was almost as if I were in a coma, as if my brain had registered too much pain for it to bear, and it had knocked me out to recover and regenerate itself.

"You know, we're sort of the same. Striving to make the people we hold very dear proud of us. For me, it's almost like Sasuke's the sun, and I'm like the rain. He flares, yet I diminish him if my water touches his ambitious flame. The sun and the rain – " She began, but she instantly stopped, and I felt her body tense, hearing her muttering curses beneath her breaths.

" – are still beautiful together, even though they don't belong."

I inwardly laughed this time. Even without being able to see Sakura's reaction, I was positive her cheeks were ten shades of red, her head held in her hands, trying to shield her embarrassment. I would have been embarrassed if I was in love with him, too; it wasn't everyday that the ice around his heart melted, therefore it was utterly rare and surprising when it did. But then again, I thought, my cheeks would still be ten shades of red, regardless of the man's personality; it was quite a cute thing to say, and the fact that it was out of his character was even cuter. No, I instantly corrected, it made the moment rather beautiful.

"Is she okay?" He muttered.

"She can hear us."

I sensed his curt nod, and I assumed he resumed his place by the wall, arms crossed against his chest, as he patiently waited for his teammate – would it be out of place for me to say "lover"? – to finish her duties.

"Since when were you Mr. Romantic?" She teased, a large grin forming on her rosy lips.

I heard his grunt, and her quiet, disapproving giggles. An odd couple, I realized, yet a couple that belonged.

"I feel sorry for her," She whispered, taking my hand in hers, gently squeezing my fingers. "How she can love someone so cold."

"Speak for yourself," the Uchiha mused. "You loathed me when I returned."

"But you changed, and that's what counts, Sasuke."

There was silence.

"Yes," he finally said, mulling over the answer. "Yet, Hyuuga isn't one for change. I've only changed around you. You make me speak more than I can handle. Like now."

Sakura laughed, gently squeezing my hand once more.

"You're not bothered, and I'm not bothered. I'm not forcing you to speak to me, and you know it wouldn't matter whether or not you did."

Allowing only a 'hn' to escape his lips, silence once again encompassed me.

This silence felt like it belonged to me. Became a _part _of me. Perhaps it symbolized the emptiness of my heart? Or perhaps it symbolized the answers to my pleas and love – _nothing. _Just silence. Could silence now be considered a part of me?

"You have to wake up, Tenten," She whispered, nervously squeezing my hand as a concerned friend would. "There are people waiting for you, worried sick. I won't let anyone see you, only because you're so ravaged and torn."

I could hear nothing, only anxiously waiting for her to continue.

"Your wings have been ripped away from you, yet you can grow them back, Tenten."

At this, I slowly opened my eyes, tears already brimming as I struggled to remain calm. I, Tenten, was always strong; I was the tomboy, and never once did she show such a weakness.

"But the butterfly will never reach the moon," I coarsely said.

She offered a weak smile, using her thumb to gently wipe away my loose tears.

"Has the butterfly tried?" She whispered.

"Yes. Everything it could. And now look what's happened; it lost its wings."

_The higher you go, the harder you fall. _

"Does the moon disappear?"

"...Yes?"

She laughed, a brilliant smile gracing her lips.

"And it comes back. Every single night. It is out there, unseen, during the day. Yet it is still watching, waiting for its turn to overtake us. And when it _does _overtake us, it's quite beautiful."

I scoffed.

"Beautiful? I'm a butterfly with blood dripping from her wings, with tears and rips all over her beautiful worth."

At this, Sakura smiled. For a few moments, time seem suspended as her beautiful smile echoed through my darkness; I was so mesmerized by her modesty and kindness that I hadn't realized Sasuke moved from his place against the wall to gently place his large, calloused hand in Sakura's.

"No, Tenten. You are every bit beautiful."

"Am I?"

My eyes narrowed, and at this moment, I couldn't care less that I was being a stupid, selfish, friend. I couldn't believe her words of comfort, because I have lost hope in my friends, in my _teammates. _Today proved that. I can't be a tool anymore; my strength, willpower, and hope completely diminished, with no ounce of leftovers. The Butterfly's wings are completely dismembered, nearly unable to lift herself off the ground to try her journey once more. The Moon was just too far away. So very far away...

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**tbc**

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**A/N: **I totally apologize for a new fanfic, but this idea just popped into my head, so I was wondering what you all thought about it.School's almost over, so I'm finally going to find time to update all my fanfics! Yayyy!

Thank you for reading, and I hope you enjoyed it. (:


	2. ice cold

Pain. I've never felt so much pain before in my life. I've never felt so useless and pathetic as I try and retrain my torn muscles, as I try to walk without having pain through my body. Never have I felt so _girly, _so ashamed, when I walk down the hospital corridors, my eyes wincing with pain as I try to give my muscles back their strength. I felt like a baby, having to use a walker to get every which-way. I was glad that Neji never visited me, or else I would feel so _useless _that I was sure it would be difficult for me to keep my resolve.

"_Your wings have been ripped away from you, yet you can grow them back, Tenten."_

Tears brimmed at my eyes when I opened them. I lifted my right hand with too much effort, my fingers shining in the moonlight as the gauze all over my arm reflected the moon's rays. Waterfalls fell from my orbs as I lowered my arm with pain; still, my muscles were torn.

"Finally awake?"

My eyes widened when I heard his voice, so concerned and soft I was nearly sure I was dreaming. I struggled to turn my face away, closing my eyes to try and wander back into dreamland. I couldn't handle this, not right now. Not when I'm weak and torn.

"Why can't you look at me?"

I felt his gentle thumb wiping away my tears, his fingers forcing me to face him. I still couldn't look at him.

"I don't want you to. I'm weak."

He chuckled. My heartbeat sped up and I felt my cheeks flush. This wasn't right. This wasn't right.

"I'm – "

My heart stopped. No, this wasn't right. He wasn't supposed to be this way. He only wanted me to get better so I could be his tool again. Why do I keep letting myself get hurt?

"Why are you doing this to me?" I cried out.

His eyes widened, along with mine. I hadn't intended to say that. No, now he would be angry with me. His once cold, pallid eyes shone with a new softness in them, and he removed his fingers from under his chin, thus giving me freedom to look wherever I wished.

"I don't know, Tenten," he whispered, looking into my eyes for a few seconds before averting his gaze to my windows. "I really don't know."

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**the butterfly and the moon  
**_how can i hope to reach the moon?_

**chapitre deux. **_ice cold_

**disclaimer: **don't own Naruto.

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Being bedridden in the hospital was extremely hard for me. My torn muscles were still crying out to be used, which gave me such an antsy feeling that I was ready to punch the closest object. Visitors occasionally came to visit me, but I was unsure whether or not I was responsive to them. The conversation that I had heard between Sasuke, Sakura, and Neji still continued to replay in my mind, along with the conversation that I had with Neji earlier. It all did not make sense; I put the conversations together, and all I got was a contradiction. I tried to put my heart and mind together and all I got was pain – _not _my love for Neji. What was this?

"You doing okay?"

Sakura entered my room and took a seat beside me, taking the clipboard hanging from the foot of my bed and examining it.

"Yeah. When can I get around? My legs are _begging _me to get a move on."

Sakura laughed.

"A few days. Just a little longer, Tenten, I promise. I'll be repairing those muscles today, and in a few days, they should be totally fine."

I smiled.

"Good. I need to get out of this place."

Sakura laughed, and motioned for me to completely lie down. I complied, and in seconds I felt her gentle hands probing at my torn arm and leg muscles, giving herself a mental image of how much repair needs to be done.

"So, Hyuuga was in here earlier, wasn't he?" She quietly asked as a surge of warmth erupted through my right arm.

I winced, and I wasn't surprised when she didn't jump in surprise. I've seen Sakura work with patients before; usually, if one sign of discomfort made way to their expression, she immediately stopped and probed them about it. But she just continued on, a frown on her lips, more warmth surging into my muscles; she knew well enough that I winced only because my teammate's name was mentioned.

"What'd he say?" She gently asked, moving on to my other leg after finishing up with the first.

"A crapload of contradictions. I asked him why he was doing this to me, and he said he didn't know. Why am I here, Sakura? Why am I still trying to defy gravity so hard just to reach the Moon? It doesn't make sense."

She remained silent.

"Everyone on this planet has a purpose," She began after smoothing out a knot in my calf. "You just haven't found yours yet."

"My purpose is to reach the moon. For the Butterfly to defy gravity and to just _touch _the moon. But that purpose is gone. Why should I get hurt every moment of my life, knowing that I'm only a _tool _and nothing more? Knowing that _he _ripped away my wings, and that he just doesn't care how much it hurts?"

She stilled after finishing her repairs of my leg muscles. There was no Sasuke to break the awkward silence with his between-the-line confessions, there was no Naruto for her to abuse, and there was certainly no Neji for her to guilt-trip. It was just the two of us, and I could tell she was raging through her brain to think of something to say.

"You know, I've been torn nearly as much as you. It just takes some time, Tenten. Sooner or later, he'll realize that you're much more than a tool. That you're definitely much more to _him _than a teammate. The day will come when the Butterfly can defy gravity. The Butterfly just has to make sure that it remains strong and determined; only then will it be able to reach its goal."

Listening to her, I realized that she was almost a Mother Figure to me. It was odd, considering that I was _older _than her, and it would have been much more natural for _me _to give her advice, but I realized that Sakura _was _the only person who could completely understand the pain that I felt. She had had to endure living a life without her light, her _sun, _trying to forget her love for him, and had to endure his return, his harsh rejections never far-off from her mind. I trusted her words, yet I could not bring myself to believe them, as much as I wanted to.

My hope was lost, my determination was lost. Instead I was only left with an endless abyss of darkness, where there was no possibility of even a flicker of lights.

"Rest up, Tenten. Two more days, and your muscles will be fine for some walking."

She smiled and stood from her place, returning the clipboard to the foot of my bed. With one last smile, she gently shut the door behind her. I listened to her footsteps fading away through the corridors, allowing the soft clicks to lull me into a state of slumber.

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I opened my eyes, and I've never felt so uncomfortable in my life. I concluded that I would never take afternoon naps in the hospital unless it was completely needed, because when I awoke, it was blazing hot and I was graced with an annoying, pestering headache. The clock on the nightstand read 2:00 PM, and I groaned, rubbing my temples to try and get my headache to fade away.

I noticed a new set of daffodils on the table near my window, and I instantly knew that Ino had placed them there while I was asleep. There was a note that was propped against a makeshift stand, with obnoxious print to encourage me to walk when I could to start retraining my muscles; I instantly knew that this was Lee and Gai-sensei's way of apologizing for having to depart on a mission and unable to visit me for at least three day's time. There was a plate of cookies beside Lee and Gai-sensei's note, and I knew that this was from Hinata.

This feeling of belonging after receiving all the gifts made the throbbing emptiness of my chest fade away, instead bringing in the warmth of friendly love. I was glad that the pain did not return for a few moments, before my brain betrayed me and sent sadness throughout my body after realizing that Neji had left nothing.

"Hinata-sama left you cookies. I suppose it'd do you well to eat them when you can."

I turned and saw Neji entering my room, his footsteps as delicate and precise as ever while walking to sit beside me. I said nothing, and instead turned away, observing the world that was taking place outside of this miserable hospital room.

A comfortable silence loomed between us. I was glad he said nothing, and I was glad nothing stupid blurted out from my mouth. I knew I didn't want to mess up, nor did I want to feel more pain, and I was sure that he came for a specific reason, which did not include solely "visiting" his teammate for the heck of it. I was smart enough to know that he would never visit me on his free time, unless told to do so by someone of higher birth to him, such as Hinata and Gai-sensei.

"What are you here for?" I finally asked, turning to him.

His pallid eyes widened for a moment, his lips forming a thin, rigid line that was not unfamiliar on his face.

"Am I not allowed to visit you merely to show you courtesy?" He smoothly asked.

My brow furrowed as I turned away.

"Don't fool yourself, Neji. I know you don't want to be here."

"And who are you to tell me if I want to be here or not?"

He had a point, but I was feeling stubborn. I wanted to be a sadist; to push him away, to hit him where it hurts, to step all over him. I wanted to make him feel the same pain that he forced me to feel every second of my life, even though I knew that it was a selfish action.

"You want to become dear to me, yet you are pushing me away."

I said nothing.

"How do you think you will accomplish that if you push me away?"

I seemed to jump up into a sitting position, my fists clenching my blankets. My glare at him would have made even _Sasuke _proud, and I could tell he was surprised. _I _would not have been surprised if I had actually _growled; _his statements irritated me, his voice suggesting that he was once more a superior being.

"The only time that will be accomplished, _Neji, _is if you let your barriers around your heart fall. Until then, the Butterfly will keep having her wings torn off while trying to reach the Moon."

"Really? Defying gravity is quite impossible," he mused.

Pain erupted through my veins again, and I struggled to keep my tears back. I lay down and turned away from him, waterfalls coming from my eyes at each beat of my heart.

"Wouldn't you know?" I managed to say.

When he said nothing, I laughed. A laugh that you laugh when the stupidity of the one you love, when you know that no matter what you do, it seems that you will never, _ever _be good enough.

"The Moon's barriers are ice cold. Metal walls without an opening," I murmured.

Silence filled the room.

Nothing is impossible, I once believed. But that was when I had hope, when I had love, when I had happiness.

But now, in the empty abyss of pain and loneliness, I knew that my goal _was _impossible, that I was hurting myself continuously for a goal that I would never reach. I knew that my wings would never cease to be torn and ripped off until I stopped trying, and something in me told that I _never _would stop trying. No, I loved him too much, to a point of _insanity._

The Moon's barriers are ice cold. Metal walls without an opening...

...And so is the Moon's heart.

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**TBC**

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**A/N: **Wow, thank you for all your reviews! (:  
I really hope chapters don't kill the potential of this fic ...

But I hope you all enjoy this.  
Thank you for reading!


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